I am going to Orlando. Florida. Like as in the place where palm tree’s grow. Disney World. The sun shines there all year.
I am going to Orlando, Florida and I leave in 15 days! Oh my goodness I am giddy with excitement.
Let me admit this here and now, publicly. I need a break. My daughter tells me she hates me on a daily basis, she hits me, she kicks me, she bites me on occasion. My son freaks shit because he is tired of seeing his sister hurt me both physically and emotionally. My older son it fantastic and doing really well but he loves to pick on his brother every chance he gets and I am tired. Tired.
It gets harder and harder to get out of bed. The anxiety. Oh my god the anxiety is overwhelming. My heart pounds when I know it’s time for my daughter to come home from school because I know she will scream for hours and she will hit me and kick me every chance she gets. I am tired. I need a break. I deserve a break.
I love my kids, all three of them, day in and day out. I love them through their screaming fits. I love them even when my legs and arms are bruised from them hitting, kicking, and biting me. When I want to get in the car and drive far far away I don’t. I tell my kids I love them – even when they scream for hours and hours and hours. I praise my kids for their triumphs. I cheer them on when I know they can do it. I get up and make them healthy balanced meals every single day. I keep them clean. I keep them safe. I play games with them. I talk to them and I listen. I help them push through old hurt and I help them move past it. I am tired.
So I am taking a break and going to Orlando on a fun retreat with friends. Friends who know what it is like to be the kind of mama I am. Other mom’s don’t know what it is like being beaten and abused every single day by a pint sized four year old. Other mom’s think they have it hard when their toddler throws a cup of milk on the floor. I am going to sleep in. Every single day. I am going to enjoy it. I am going to pamper myself. I am going to relax. I am not going to think about coming home. I am not going to feel bad about being 3 miles from Disney World and not thinking about my kids. They don’t even know what Disney World is anyway. I am going to be refreshed and happy. It is going to be delightful.